Comments on naijablog: The dinner party

I think Jeremy enjoys putting up these controversi...

2007-09-27T01:55:00.000+01:00

I think Jeremy enjoys putting up these controversial topics, so that he can relax and watch the comments rolling in, while he sits at his computer and laugh at us all....

Anyway to the post: I agree with some things that Jeremy said: Nigerians don't do "formal" dinner parties like the English. In fact our culture has only just started to absorb the concept of formal invites. Back in the day when we still lived in villages, anyone can just drop by a neighbour's house and they are guaranteed a meal and a drink. So if an expat goes to Nigeria and is waiting for a formal dinner invite, they will wait for a very long time. That said, if they endevour to get to know their colleagues on a personal level, they are free to drop by their homes and I'm sure they will be fed and entertained.

There is no need to criticise another person's culture though, just because it is different from yours or it doesn't meet your expectations. That is just not "ON".

I usually agree with your posts, but here I have t...

2007-09-17T00:48:00.000+01:00

I usually agree with your posts, but here I have to politely disagree, although your opinion is your opinion, so I can respect that.

Ah, Jeremy, why you dey talk like this na? no worr...

2007-09-10T19:07:00.000+01:00

Ah, Jeremy, why you dey talk like this na? no worry at all, no shaking. Dem no fit touch you, na the original waffy you dey yarn with, na we get dat side.Na vegetarian banga soup u wan chop? shebi u dey chop periwinkle? we get am plenty for our side. If u no dey chop dat one, we go pack plenty "vegetable" full am, dat one, we fit solve. As for the ogogoro, i no fit garantee ya safety for dat matter, dat one na every man for im own oh!

waffarian. I gladly accept your kind offer. Thre...

2007-09-10T13:05:00.000+01:00

waffarian. I gladly accept your kind offer. Three things:

1. will i be safe?
2. Is there a version of banga soup which is vegan?
3. How much ogogoro are we drinking?

Jeremy, I understand what you mean. Yes it is true...

2007-09-09T19:09:00.000+01:00

Jeremy, I understand what you mean. Yes it is true, you will not be invited "formally", infact, nobody will ever really invite you over for dinner. For example, nobody will say " How about dinner next sunday by 6"? Nobody is going to set a table with table cloth, candles, cutlery, wine, etc. It will not happen. So, yes, you are right, if that is what you mean by a "dinner invitation". On the other hand, if you are in a Nigerian's home, it is unheard of you to leave the place without eating or at the very least, drinking something. Food is very much a part of our culture and Nigerians love to entertain. Honestly, I am surprised that people are not falling over themselves to invite you to their homes.I have been "forced" to eat in many homes anytime I am in Nigeria, infact, I now have an "emergency plan" anytime I travel back, on how to escape my neighbours and "area" people.

Now Jeremy, I am formally inviting you over for dinner the next time I land in Nigeria. This has to be fixed. You must try banga soup and starch, plus ogogoro. Na because of dat yeye Abuja, abeg come our side, we go show you better. I know say we no get all those better things wey una get for Abuja, but worst comes to worst, we go chop okporokpo. Na invitation be this oh!

Dang, is this still on!!!

2007-09-04T14:04:00.000+01:00

Dang, is this still on!!!

nicely put Obinna. This is the kind of clarity an...

2007-09-04T10:18:00.000+01:00

nicely put Obinna. This is the kind of clarity and intervention that I am sure naijablog wants.

Perhaps the issue has to do with ceremony: politen...

2007-09-04T05:41:00.000+01:00

Perhaps the issue has to do with ceremony: politeness and/or etiquette. The traditional breaking of kola nut is our form of ceremony. Your not expected to care for the aesthetics of kola nut: it's the taste and ritual that matters. In contrast, the japanese pay particular attention to the delicate subtleties of visual elegance. Our people do not care for such things. It is not our tradition. The lives of Japanese people is governed by proportion (the golden section, for example). Emptiness for them is full. Tell that to a Nigerian and they say "abeg commot, which kind ting be dat".
Correct me if I am wrong, the English do not care so much for its aesthetic presentation but see it almost in an aristocratic way: a polite society reminscent of the salon. You invited people over not only for 3'o clock tea; but to partake in a little music, reading, discussion and gossip. This is not part of the Nigerian experience. It is something that survives in most petit-bourgeois english homes in watered down fashion.

What has what his wife feels got to do with the ma...

2007-09-03T22:36:00.000+01:00

What has what his wife feels got to do with the man? Great women sometimes fall in love with nicompoos.

I think an outsider reading some of the comments o...

2007-09-03T19:43:00.000+01:00

I think an outsider reading some of the comments on naijablog will think that we Nigerians have a short fuse and we are over sensitive to the smallest critique. This is not even a critique, it is an observation by an outsider looking in on our culture and society. how many of us go to UK and US and do nothing but slag of the way they do things? I guess the difference here is that colonialism has rendered the relationship unequal so that anytime a white person says something about our society whether true or not, we jump to attack or defend as the case maybe.

Mr Jeremy, the kind of critical issues you raise on your blog is sometimes too much for our fragile ego. I beg carry yourself and your blog elsewhere.

Even though you are married to a Nigerian, does she feel the same as you?

The fear that the likes of Jeremy could come round...

2007-09-03T18:35:00.000+01:00

The fear that the likes of Jeremy could come round to dinner and then probably roundly diss my decor, my food and perhaps even my family members in his patronising commentaries would be enough for me to ban him forever from darkening my doorstep.

Lovely anon. Have always wondered how to spell "Ms...

2007-09-03T11:15:00.000+01:00

Lovely anon. Have always wondered how to spell "Mschewwwwww"! I've never been satisfied with my "pscheeeeughw". Thanks, really. Such an excellent example of our Nigerianness. Looove it, love us. Can the expats do it, i wonder... perhaps they listen covetously while we do it? Mschewwwwwww

I am sick of expatriates who still have a colonial...

2007-09-03T03:13:00.000+01:00

I am sick of expatriates who still have a colonialist view of affairs. We don't normally hold dinner parties in Nigeria.

Is there someone somewhere asking why Spanish people don't have owambes?

Or why there is no Ariya party in Japan?

Mschewwwww.

Jeremy,I live in Abuja when in Naija and when i am...

2007-09-03T02:16:00.000+01:00

Jeremy,

I live in Abuja when in Naija and when i am in town i will invite you to my parents house for some fresh ponded yam! or anything you want haba! I can not have you having this impression of Nigerians at all!..:)

My family love nothing better than to entertain! And are always doing soo.. wether it be a dinner party or hosting different guests.

I am from Benue and food is not a big deal with us it is a Massive deal! we love nothing better than to cook and invite people to eat!.

My Father has alot of Brittish, Greek and Japanese freinds/ associates and anytime they are in town on business or what so ever my dad can not wait to get them round his house and show off the delights coming from his kitchen and also see if they can handle the pepper!..lol

On a level i really do not know why you have not been invited round, maybe some are ashamed of their homes or maybe they think they dont know how to entertain you.... i dunno..lol but i really do have to say you are wrong by saying eating food is not seen as a communal event!

The thing i always yearn for about Nigeria is being with friends and family eating cooking and hanging out together! Food is an integral part of our community good food and shayo! waht else does one need in life..lol

You need to come to my house! Seriously when i am in Nigeria you are more than welcome!.

Ciao..

lol@ commnents naija people like to fiiiighterm if...

2007-09-03T02:11:00.000+01:00

lol@ commnents naija people like to fiiiight

erm if you want to "just show up" please call about 20mins in advance so oga can tell iyawo and helper to clean the house for visitor fast fast,making the food in 20 mins is not a problem but impressing oyinbo is a must!

lol, at all the commments too good! I do somewhat ...

2007-09-02T16:56:00.000+01:00

lol, at all the commments too good! I do somewhat agree with jeremy, i live abroad, in an european country not london, and we are akways having dinner parties at home or at a resto. Now this concept does not translate to Nigeria, sure if you turn up at someones house, they ll offer you food, that my dear friends does not qualify as a dinner party. The dinner party concept is at best experienced only at special occasions and not as a social gathering.

Try it, conduct an experiment, i did invited a few friends for dinner, and see what happens!

trust me nigerians wont know what do with themselves, some will make conversation, some will just stare, some will show up with their own food.

it just not Nigerian! so jeremy if your after a nigerian dinner party forget it! if this is just abt seeing the inside of their home, then just SHOW UP, and yes, they will serve u food as well.

-FRAIS

Colonial mentality is alive o! The man talk say En...

2007-09-02T16:22:00.000+01:00

Colonial mentality is alive o!

The man talk say English no be him moda tongue, still people dey attack the guy.

'English is not my mother tongue'Pele, 'mother ton...

2007-09-02T14:08:00.000+01:00

'English is not my mother tongue'

Pele, 'mother tongue' t'emi ni. This coming from a person who dissed Kola and tried to educate him on 'abroad'.

There's no point deciphering the logic in your comments if I can't understand the grammar. It's English, not Mathematics. The grammatical construction is the primary means of understanding the logic in any statement.

I am sorry to all those people who say you should ...

2007-09-02T13:42:00.000+01:00

I am sorry to all those people who say you should just show up. I totally disagree. You only show up in people's houses when you know them already. When I show up at people's houses, it is because there is a prior relationship. A dinner party in the Western sense, is a kind of prelude to this showing up.

My people lets stop deluding ourselves, how many of us actually just show up at the houses of minor acquintences? We don't do it. We show up people we are in some form of relationship with. In this regard, it is no different from Westerners.

Also, we Nigerians tend to delude ourselves about our hospitality and socialablity. If you attend any social gathering in Nigeria, unless you know people already or somebody casually introduce you, the chances of making new friends is remote. In fact the chances of anyone speaking to you is also small. I will never ever ever just go to a naija event if I cannot guarantee that I will know people there. But in London, I don't feel the same way. I can always go up t o people and introduce myself without fear that they will snob me. In Nigeria, the fear that someone will look me up and down before deciding whether to talk to me or not is a enough to make me not go up to people the way I do when I am outside Nigeria or Nigerian space.

Having lived in over 10 very different countries I have come to the conclusion that we are not as hospitable and friendly as we like to think, especially to the stranger. I think other societies i.e. Senegal, Ghana, Italians, Spanish, Swedes, Malians do a better job than we do.

Yemi R

@anonStaying overseas does not mean I reside in an...

2007-09-02T13:37:00.000+01:00

@anon
Staying overseas does not mean I reside in an English speaking country nor does it indicate that English is my mother tongue. I make mistakes and thanks for pointing them out. I stand corrected. My bad.

I made a typo error, and its quiet amazing that you were actually looking for flaws in my English, rather than the weight of my argument that did or did not stand validity. :)

Perhaps you need to go read up on Fallacy and a get a little re-education on languages spoken outside Nigeria.

I hereby rest.

Kayode, you really should go and learn English, o ...

2007-09-02T13:15:00.000+01:00

Kayode, you really should go and learn English, o jare! Upon all your understanding of English dinner party, you fail to understand the language.

You wrote: "I taught Jeremy actually wanted answers.." It should be "THOUGHT".

Upon all your being abroad, English hard you to speak? Bros, go find job...

LOL! LOL! LOL!! I have read through the comments s...

2007-09-02T12:52:00.000+01:00

LOL! LOL! LOL!! I have read through the comments section and I am ROFLMAO.

I have to agree with anon that says that you should just show up at their houses and watch them scramble to cook jollof rice and buy "minerals".

Only once have I been to a house where we were expected for lunch. It was no-one's birthday or anniversary. No child was getting named or christened. We were not remembering anyone's dead father or mother. It was just lunch and conversation. In Lagos, Nigeria.

I have lived and worked here in the UK for 5 years...

2007-09-02T08:54:00.000+01:00

I have lived and worked here in the UK for 5 years. No caucasian has ever invited me to dinner/lunch/breakfast in their home.
I can assure you I look quite presentable...

@ijebumanThen go see the doctor. I am sure your in...

2007-09-02T06:14:00.000+01:00

@ijebuman
Then go see the doctor. I am sure your insurance would cover the symptom of your disgust. :)

Why do we find it hard to either accept our cultural norms or even listen to "Nigeria from an expatriates perspective"?

I find it quiet annoying that people think its rational to battle or disagree with other peoples narrated experience.

Its either you are so insecure by your culture, or you think it (the culture) should present all that other cultures have to offer. A supposed flawless culture.

There is no perfect culture in this world that has it all pre-packaged to comfort every bodies expectations.

The differences are not a flaws, thats why its called a culture. People are different , and we should always celebrate our differences not try to argue that there aren't differences.

I am quiet certain that the intent of this post is not to bash the Nigerian culture in regards to the particular subject but to relate the excitement it propels around those that encounter the differences.

I taught Jeremy actually wanted answers as to why it is like it is? Except of course Jeremy has other intentions.

Don't disagree for disagreement sake, be positive and don't insult me because I think otherwise, in this case in support of the poster, because you are the same person that would preach freedom of speech and expression when it applies.

Please, excuse me. Let me laugh: hahahahahaahhaaha...

2007-09-02T03:15:00.000+01:00

Please, excuse me. Let me laugh: hahahahahaahhaahahhahha!

"Or who cannot see beautiful food for what it is because its not cut into little pieces and arranged like a plea to an anorexic patient on a plate"

Kola, where did you get this quote. I must use it soon. Hehehehehehehehe!