The dinner party

Foreigners visiting or living in Nigeria are often puzzled by a commonly experienced phenomenon: they never get invited to the houses of the Nigerians they meet or work with. No matter how many times the Nigerian colleague is invited to the expat's house, there is no reciprocal invitation. No one can ever quite work out why. "Is it because Nigerians are unfriendly?" "Is it because they are embarrassed about their homes?" "Is it because they worry about what to cook?" "Is it because they don't really like us?" Expats sit around and discuss this issue, scratch their heads and do not come to any solid conclusions..

At a dinner party last night, I think we came close to uncovering the reason why the return invite never comes. In my experience, it is simply not part of the culture here to associate eating food with a social gathering occasion in the form of a dinner party. Eating food is not seen as necessarily a communal event - it is often framed quite functionally in terms of satisfying need. Food is not contextualised as cuisine in Nigeria - with the inevitable association of preparation, display and hosting that that word imports. One sees this in the food itself, which is not presented with aesthetics in mind - in contrast say with Japanese food, which is almost aesthetically charged. Again, the idea of combining the act of eating food with conversation is alien to the culture - as I found out during an unfortunate incident in Ibadan (but that's another blog post). Associating a dinner party with sociality is therefore by and large outside the parameters of the culture. Westerners, ingrained in the idea of breaking bread and the Last Supper etched indelibly into their sub-conscious, cannot see beyond the projection of their own expectations onto other cultural patterns.

There is quite a lot of opportunity for comedy in this cultural difference - I write little theatre pieces in my head imagining different scenarios. Friends tell stories of the time they were finally invited to a Nigerian friend's house, and being sat on a chair and given food, while the hosts carry on with their business. They recount their silent confusion - "why are we not all sitting down together?" Then, the inevitable photo album is brought out. When Nigerians play host they want you to see their photos, it seems.

At other times, some expats have actually been invited to a dinner party, but there's tension, as if the hosts do not quite know what to do. I went to one such party (one of the few times we have been invited to dinner by Nigerians in the time we have spent here). The couple were slightly older - in their forties. It was like a scene from Abigail's Party transposed across time and space - tension threatening to break the silent surface, but not quite ever managing to. The conversation was stilted - even though we knew our hosts quite well, and another couple we were friends with were also there. A buffet had been set up - we had to walk to a table to serve ourselves. It was all rather awkward - as if we were celebrating a special occasion - without anyone knowing what the occasion was. You can imagine the sound of cutlery striking china..

Before anyone jumps on my head with abuse - I am not dissing the Nigerian way here - just noticing a form of cultural difference that goes unnoticed and yet is the cause of much comedic confusion..