Ante-natal classes, Nigeria-style

An ex-pat friend is pregnant here in Abuja. She went to the National Hospital for an ante-natal class. This is her account:

Last week I had the fascinating experience of registering at the ante-natal clinic at the National Hospital. I was told to arrive early to get my number - and so got there soon after 8am. Some had arrived at 7am. They stopped giving out numbers at 9am. I was number 19; there must have been 40+ of us in total (quite often there are over 100 - perhaps the numbers had reduced because of the rain).

As all of us were first time registrants, I followed the ‘go there’, ‘do that’, ‘fill this in’ instructions to have urine tested (must take some ready done next time), weight, height and blood pressure. I got called back at one point because the girl who was entering my card details on the computer at a painful speed had a gap for my ‘tribe’,

‘I really couldn’t say, do you have a space for unknown?’ I said with a smile.
She clearly did not.

Then we were all summoned together for our ‘talk’. This started with prayer and was followed by songs. General hospital activity continued around us (even the loos were being cleaned) as we sang

‘Dey say, Madame what ting dey make you fat-o?
My oga (husband) de ting dat make me fat-o’ as we danced to show off our bellies.

Then the talk began, the first 30mins was a run down of charges, what our registration fee included and how vital it is to pay in advance, don’t request a 2 bed ward when you can only afford a 6 bed ward etc.

Then we were given a severe warning about being on time and collecting your number on clinic days: ‘Your bag will not be given a number, your husband will not be given a number, your pregnant friend will not be given a number’.

Then followed some advice about clothing (‘if you wear high heals you will not be given a number’), and then reasons for attending A&E (‘you cannot attend A&E if you were too late to get your number).

Then we had a tour which included the delivery ward with women in action - deep in labour. I thought the person behind me was saying something to me but she was just praying for the woman moaning in the bed in front of us.

Finally we were assigned to the medical teams whose care we will be under. I was then was seen by the Dr for my appt. He already had urine, BP results and did a thorough but swift assessment. He sent me off for my blood tests (which happened straight away) and to make a scan appt and I’ll see him again in 4 weeks. All in all a thorough if not slightly bizarre experience...