The entropic pudenda

[Specially commissioned by Bitchy-in-the-city]

A monologue in Brixton Rec sauna in the late 1990’s. Three Jamaican guys and myself are sweating it out. Our speaker speaks in a rich and twangy patois:

“Me, I like fresh pussy. I like a sleep wid at least tooh or t’ree gyals a week. Sometime wan gyal de afternoon, anoder de evening – why naat claat?

What else is life for mon? I like my women you kna?

But you kyan beat de pussy when it come off d plane; streert off d plane. I mean she jus walked down de steps to de hearcraf. The pussy jus leave Jamiyka and arrive here in de cold – it bound to have effects mon!

You’ve got to catch de pussy before it cool down. Dat’s de trick! You know de pussy cool down within wan week??

H’even de Montego Bay punani cool down mon. It true, believe me broders.

But when it just off de plane, it still warm and moist and rich; it know how to satisfy you mon.

You can take your time, all night long with de punani jus off de plane. Nice an slow, or fast as you wan.

But when it get col, you gatta just leave and move on. Nothin’ to do mon...

We idled and sweated and listened, as the Adonis of Kingston continued to bestow his carnal wisdoms into the enclosed intimacy of the wooden space. One of my companions grunted in envious approval.