Enlightenment

A few months ago, when I was quite ill with complex symptoms, I experienced something like enlightenment for the fourth time in my life. The first time, I was just about to drown on a foreign beach, the second and third times were drug-enduced meditations on nature in the middle of the night in remote fields (perhaps they do not count). This fourth time, after hours of uncontrollable shivering and two sleepless nights, something clicked and I transcended my body-in-pain. I felt full of love and a subtle kind of energy. It no longer mattered what happened to me, for I was something else apart from this sick body: a kind of luminous transcendence, and a kernel of laughter.

Its difficult to describe the experience. I woke Bibi up to tell her I was in buddhahood (or at least bodhisatvahood), but she was dog-tired (I'd kept her awake). Soon I fell asleep. In the morning, all I could feel was the afterglow of the feeling, like a lava-lamp just turned off.

Perhaps it is simply a physio-chemical reaction to extreme experience - bouts of serious illness or near-death situations. In a sense of course it is just this - the brain quickly releasing serotonins and endorphins to minimise the shock of impact, or the turbulent passage towards death and non-being.

But I believe it is not only this. It is also a state of mind that can be cultivated and attained at any time. I have felt the glow returning in the past few days, thanks to reading about various therapeutic techniques which aim to unleash creativity by reprogramming the mind away from hidden barriers (NLP, cognitive therapy, the forum etc) and a desire to be more gentle with myself and others. I want to move away from being so knee-jerk about the world (the comparison with Geldof in one of the comments stung!) I want to avoid the perception of being arrogant by cultivating a more listening relationship to the umwelt.

And so, when I hear today that an IT company with a poor delivery reputation has won yet another Government contract, on the one hand, I am filled with dismay and sadness: that the same patterns and the politics continue. But on another level, I find myself letting go. The current administration has laid some foundations for transformation, but it will take quite a while (years and years) for the benefits of positive change to filter down. Maybe the next administration will be capable of taking IT-driven transformation seriously, rather than just an alternative form of egunje. Its quite easy to get pissed off with everything in Nigeria, beginning with forms of consciousness and ethicality. But this only burns up the self; it doesn't actually help any.

I've always resisted going on a deep spiritual journey with myself, because I have a gut-reaction to the prospective narcissism built into the voyage (why I couldnt live in California). But now I'm starting to think that only by going on a spiritual journey can genuine change in the world take place. I learnt this lesson a long time ago when hanging with so-called 'engaged buddhists' - including an inspirational being by the name of Gukiyapati. But lessons learnt are quickly unlearnt in the miasma of experience and the hiatuses of relocation (physical and metaphysical). Now its time to walk the path again..